a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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