angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
