Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
