You can't special order awesome
im six kinds of drunk right now
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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