i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
