Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
now i know why i became what i already was.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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