I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
