Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
