I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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