Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
