do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
