You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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