so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
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If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
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I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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