Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
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