do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
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Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
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Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
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