chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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