I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
