I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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