Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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