It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
