shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize