Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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