More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
