Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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