boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
