I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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