Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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