Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
