dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
