I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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