All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..