What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
god, I love you
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something