She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.