She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
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He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Did I show you my penis last night?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
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Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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