I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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