And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
