Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
pray to the hookup gods
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
