omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
