He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
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