a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
