Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
