one might say we're banned from that church
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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