Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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