Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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