One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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