I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Pooping to opera.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
