the room spins SO much faster in panama
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
