I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
