a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
