i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
