Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
