Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize