Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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