i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
