Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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