Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize