trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
