literally had 100 drinks last night.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
