apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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