he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
