Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
