before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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