I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
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Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
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Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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