I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
