I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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