Who wears a wallet chain?!
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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