i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
My vagina is very pro this idea
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
