FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
