i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
