just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
