best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
