Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
