Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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