please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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