my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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