we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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