The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Your penis caused this!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
