capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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