Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
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